Episode 059: Ever feel like you found your home planet?

Isabelle and David reflect upon what it was like to experience the Eye to Eye Young Leader's Organizing Institute Conference--in a nutshell, for David, figuring out 20 some odd years ago that his learning style was valuable, and then reclaiming hope after great loss, and for Isabelle, just this past year, feeling like she discovered her home planet in a conference room in Denver. Covering bits about medications, creating neurodivergent-friendly spaces, and masking, David and Isabelle go deep, and also discuss how there should be a "leave no trace" pact between a chair's fabric and your leg.

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Isabelle updates David that she’s been on stimulant meds (in extended release form), but would crash at the end of the day, and so her prescriber gave her an immediate release form she could use to help the end of day transitions (bedtime). They are going through schedule puberty as they transition to the kids being in school again but also not being in school yet and she just wants the discomfort to be over. She forgot to take her booster dose today, and it is so obvious to her, she is noticing just how much textures and sensations get to her. David names that it’s almost as if she didn’t have an accommodation to avoid distraction and wasn’t aware how many physical distractions she would push through. She is so itchy and uncomfortable and so distracted by physical distractions. This comes up with the right variables. Just a few weeks ago, it was really humid, and David was like “I’m not wearing a shirt or pants” and it was just too much and he didn’t want to sit on certain fabrics, doesn’t want to sit on something that peels off, why can’t we just hold each and just leave each other as we found each other. Then there are other chairs that leave a butt print and so he gets up and wipes the seat off as he gets up. David and Isabelle went to the Eye to Eye Young Leader's Organizing Institute (OI), where train their mentors and gear them up for the coming school year. They attended the portion of the OI designed for allies and former mentors of the program. Isabelle noticed that she found her way to where she needed to go on her first try, which has never happened at a conference before. It felt like reconnecting with friends-in-waiting or long lost cousins. There were ample snacks and beverages. It just felt delightful and moving. David describes how this place has a different feeling to it because our nervous system operates differently. We didn’t have to get anxious to get where they needed to go. It’s this place where we see accommodations everywhere. We get to see both of it. There is no shame in this group of people to spin a fidget spinner, draw, or doodle, and people didn’t have to sit in nothingness. And the reason is mattered is that there so many things you normally have to think about, the anxiety level is so high, and halfway through the lecture, all Isabelle wants is a snack, and all she thinks about is the bar that she can’t get out of her bag, and then she is opening the notebook, the whole thing is hyper vigilance around how she is presenting. This was like instant unmasking, she didn't have to anxiously ask someone where to go. It’s incredible when the task isn’t being quiet, but the task is participation. You can eat crinkly snacks! David thinks about culture that we really have, that is a part of being neurodivergent. Any person who has to excuse why they’re running late, having an accommodation in school, not wanting to play scrabble—this is a cultural piece, when we see these things as a part of our culture, not our difference, and have them attended to, we feel safer. Oh my goodness, not having to fight for every moment to pay attention, gives us a lot more energy in a lot of ways. Isabelle names that where she has previously felt it were in places or spaces she would co-create. She has felt this before when visiting Poland, where her parents and family are from, and she’d have this sense of home. But this was the first time she had the feeling in a room of other people having the feeling. It’s like finding her home planet. Where has this been? I’m so happy it’s here! What is this feeling? This is the part of knowing you’re all of a sudden part of a group, you’re part of a group this world wasn’t built for, and you have to do it our way. And when you see hundreds of people not asking permission and not getting in trouble. People were attending to the task with incredible precision, and it’s an honor to watch these young people making the world we’re going to live in. David went the first time 20 years ago, and it’s the first time in his life someone made his learning style feel valuable. In his grad school program, one of his classmates was like “hey, you’re talking about ADHD, any interest in starting a program where they take college students with LDs and match them up with middle school students and seeing what happens?” And he gets ready for an interview with David Flink. He was interested in hearing his story but not in an exploitive way. It felt really holding, we’d love to have you be a mentor, come out to Brown university, we’ll teach you how to be a mentor. He’s at the OI, and David Flink and Marcus Soutra (Eye to Eye co-founders) are standing at the easel with Marcus and dream boarding stuff. Grady (if you hear this, David misses you and you changed his life!) was bouncing a racketball, and David looked around, waiting for him to get in trouble, and he looked around and no one cared. And they’re playing catch with this racketball and bouncing it off and playing this elaborate game during this presentation. At the same time we’re playing with these racketballs, obviously distracted. Marcus - “does anyone know how to spell benign?” This question usually makes David go small, and the room goes quiet and goes crickets. “All right then” he writes “B” and the number “9.” David realizes: "It’s not that we’re not paying attention because we're bouncing a ball; we're answering all the questions."  He wasn’t trying to hide, and he didn't get 'caught' and noticed he started to shake off the 'just about to be caught doing the thing I’m not supposed to be doing' feeling. He does 20 years with this, traveling around. And then a short while ago, one of the people closest to David, died. The moment he found out his brother was dying, David was talking with Jennifer Kane, saying “I’m done.” He never thought he would see anyone again. This reminded him to have hope in people, and people will surprise you. It started with 27 people sitting around the table, and now there’s levels of things and sophistication with apps and fidgets. Coming back and being amazed about how incredible this is. It’s like coming face to face with a dragon, but finding out it’s friendly, and then having it shrink to a size of a pea and living in your heart. 

To learn more about Eye to Eye, visit www.eyetoeyenational.org 

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Cover Art by: Sol Vázquez

Technical Support by: Bobby Richards